I love hair. I love long hair, short hair, red hair, blue hair. Simply put I love hair. My love affair with hair didn’t start until I was in the 9th grade. That’s when my mother let me try full weaves for the very first time. Before then I was the braid queen. The closest thing I came to a weave was cornrows in the front and short sew in weave in the back. I didn’t know anything about a true weave but that they looked glamorous. Back then my idol was Beyonce and she was coming out of her braid phase into her weave phase and I wanted to be just like her with the flowing wavy hair down my back… however, I was in the 9th grade so all that extra 22 inch red carpet glam wasn’t going down in my mothers book. I settled for just the normal weave. I had some 14 inch tracks sewn in with my natural hair pulled back and I loved it!

Since that day I am what is known as a “weaveologist”. If I have to take the subway I occupy my time by spotting the females with horrible weave abominations. Its become somewhat of a sport to me, even getting my friends and my boyfriend into the action. If I was a mean girl I would have taken pics on my phone cam but I’m not that bad! However, I will share with you 8 of my biggest hair weave abominations.

9. Uneven cuts- Ever see a female with a weave that looks like it was cut with a kitchen shear? Even if you do your own weave, if you cant cut properly then please don’t! Blunt edges are in style right now, but I can tell when it was meant to be and when it was just a snap happy mistake.

8. Lumps and bumps - Ladies, I beg of you. I understand that we all don’t have the money to get that $500 weave from the master weaver that leaves you looking like it just magically grew out of your baron scalp. However, if you are going to the cheepo weavo salon or doing that jammy yourself, please please make sure your end product is laying flat on your scalp. No one wants to look like they got hit in the head with a baseball. I once saw a girl who had a nice weave with a nice cut … but a lump that looked like it had stage 4 cancer right at the top. Not sexy at all.

7. Close that closure! - If you are a tall girl like myself (I’m 5′10 baby!) then you hardly think that anyone is going to really be looking at the top of your head like that, but trust me they do. Ever been on the subway in NYC at rush hour? I’ve had the chance to be right up on people that I don’t even know without them causing a stink about it. I remember once this girl was sting down and I was directly over her and was looking at the top of her weave and noticed that her closure at the top wasn’t fully closed! I’m not a big fan of full head top closure weaves, just because (to me) they look a lot like wigs. If you or your stylist can’t fully close the weave with just normal track, then you can buy a closure piece from your local beauty supply store or just do what I do and use my own hair to make it blend and look natural.

6. Track stars - Speaking on visible parts that shouldn’t be, I don’t want to see any tracks at all! I don’t even have to say much about this one because thats just uber tacky and ..dare I say it? GHETTO.

5. When its over, its over - You know that saying “some people just don’t know when to quit?” Yes, there is a time to quit that tired looking weave. Its knotted, Its several months old, you are missing 4 tracks in the back, it smells like last week’s chicken, its synthetic and melting. Do yourself a favor and cut that out asap. I can understand if you are just going to the store real quickly in your sweatpants, but if you have on your freakum dress, with the fly girl pumps on your feet, but still rocking that tired old weave then I’m talking to you.

4. You know that isn’t your color - If you plan on wearing some of your own hair to cover the closure then do yourself a favor and make sure you have the correct color. If your hair is naturally a 1b then don’t get #4 weaving hair. Another tip I can give you is don’t just go by the color #. If you are a 1b in one brand you might be a 2 in another. That rule mostly applies to synthetic hair which I have noticed that depending on what brand the colors can drastically vary.

3. Stuck on you - Hair glue is bad for your natural hair. However, I abuse it to the max. One thing I can’t stand is seeing a girl with visible glue on the tracks and even on her forehead. I understand that most glue is black but if you are rocking light colored tracks you can get white glue or you could use liquid gold glue.

2. Is that a hard hat or your hair?- Ever see someone with just too much gel on their head? I don’t understand why some people think that a weave requires a whole gallon of black gel to stay in place! Its not natural looking, and in the summer months melts down the side of your face!

1. You ain’t foolin’ no one - This to me is the greatest weave abomination the the book. I see this all the time at least twice a day. Honey, that hair ain’t fooling no one, Especially if your hair doesn’t match the texture of the weaving hair! If you are going to wear your natural hair out in combination with the extensions then please find extensions that closely match the texture of your hair. People are always thinking about the color and not the texture of the hair. You can have tracks that are the same color as your hair, but are WAY too silky and straight to blend into your natural hair. My rule with hair (human and synthetic) is if it doesn’t feel “yaky” (because it can say yaky on the package all it wants to, doesn’t mean its not super straight) to my touch then I’m not buying it. This has come about in record numbers recently because of the popularity of Remy hair which usually is straight and silky. If you don’t have a fresh perm, or an excellent flat iron then don’t select super straight tracks! Just because its expensive (because remy hair is sold at $70+ a pack/ounce) doesn’t mean its the best for your hair. One of my favorite hairs to buy is this little known brand sold at my local beauty supply store. Its cheap at only $20 for 16-20 inches and it blends into my hair with little effort. My sister jokes that “its thick and texured because its 90% yak hair” but if it is I don’t care. It looks natural and lovely on me.